Siblings

I apologize for being MIA for a few days. I had to take a step back. I believe talking about things were causing my nightmares to resurface and I just needed a few days to regroup and get my mental back correctly. Don't get me wrong, it helps tremendously openly discussing all that I have gone through, however, I do believe that coupled with the holidays which are already a hotbed for depression for me took its toll. Knowing when to take a step back is also a big key in healing. You have to know your limits and set boundaries for yourself and be okay with that. I learned a very long time ago that you will never be able to please everyone no matter how hard you try, so, if you have to take a breather even if it means keeping people waiting for a bit that is okay and if you really mean to them what they say you do, they will understand. My brother has been on my mind heavily lately. I miss him beyond words. We live in a rather humble three-bedroom home in which our boys share a room, and our girls share a room and lately our girls have been arguing over wanting their privacy. This is a new experience for me as the boys have not had this issue, granted they are much closer in age than the girls are. I finally had enough and sat down with both of our girls and wrote up a "contract." The "contract" had a list of "shared" room times as well as "personal" room times for each girl. It also included rules such as organizing and cleaning up after yourself without procrastination, who gets to set the TV show when and once everything was worked out and agreed upon, they both signed it and then I signed it, and it was framed and hung in their bedroom. Now if anything is said about the room, they are told to refer to their contract that is legally binding. LOL. After the dramatics of the contract, I sat them both down and told them that I understand they need their privacy, and I understand where both of them are coming from but that I would give almost anything in the world to have my little brother here to annoy me one more time, or one more time where he came to me and said, "Sissy, I need you." But I will never have that again. He is gone and never coming back. I will never hear his voice, see his face, feel his hug or get so mad I could slap the crap out of him ever again. I miss everything about him. The good, the funny and the annoying. And one day, when they grow old and gray, they will laugh about these petty arguments about room time and the youngest being nosey or wanting the eldest's attention all the time just like my brother and I did before he passed. And then the day will come when one has to bury the other and then the memories will flood their hearts and overflow into their eyes and spill over as tears and they will wish they were right back in this humble little home arguing with one another about what to put on the television, or who is moving the bunkbeds too much.

-Feisty Mommy