Tired Eyes

I lay my head down to sleep and it feels so hard to breathe. I feel my eyes begin to sting and shortly after, the tears begin to stream. A puddle on my pillow, slow and steady breaths to avoid drawing attention. Crying silent cries and a lot of unrealistic wishing. Oh, how I wish I could go back in time and save that little girl that I still carry deep inside. The one that grew up to cry herself to sleep at night. I wish I could go back and change her path, steer her to the good and protect her from all the bad. I wish I could go back and tell her that she is more than what was done to her, she deserved so much better. I would tell her to cherish her granny with every ounce in her and stop wasting time trying to make her mom be a mother. Not to listen to her dad's harsh words and to love herself and never question her self-worth. Oh, how I wish I could go back in time and save that little girl that I still carry deep inside. Lord only knows how many tears these tired eyes have cried. -Feisty Mommy

I have decided that going into 2025, I will surround myself with my best friends and an amazing support system. I am tired of allowing emotional vampires to fill my life and drain my energy. They say the people you hang around tend to be who you become, and I have a good idea of who and what I want to be. I want to be happy, healthy, successful and so much more. I have a very few people that I can call "best friends", and they know who they are. I appreciate them more than they will probably ever understand. They mean the world to me, and I hope that I do a good job of being that for them. And if you are reading this and wondering if you are one of those few, I guarantee you are. I do wish I could go back in time and tell my younger self that so many people that she gave her time and energy to was not deserving. I say all the time that there is so much advice I would give younger me if I ever had the opportunity, but now it is time to put my money where my mouth is and take the same advice that I would give my younger self and put it to use today. Now. The past cannot be changed. The future is moldable. My New Years Resolution is simple. Out with the bad and negative, in with the positivity and happiness. If it isn't good for me mentally, emotionally or physically I don't want it in my life. I don't want tired eyes anymore.