The Woman In The Mirror

As I look in the mirror I see a few wrinkles, stress hiding behind the smile and pain deep in my eyes. I stare at the woman in the mirror, and I wonder who she would have been had she had the support system every child deserves, the love that every child needs and the safety that every child so rightfully needs. I wonder how accomplished she could have been had she not been scared to step outside of her comfort zone. I wonder how her social life would be if she had ever learned how to fully trust anyone other than herself. I wonder how special losing her virginity would have been had she been given the chance to choose her first time instead of having it stolen. I wonder how much her eyes and smile could really light up the room if she had ever fully found her confidence. I stare at her with so much wonder and so much pain. She was just a girl that had everything taken from her. She was just a girl that had dreams and an imagination at one point until the day that her entire life changed, and she had to grow up entirely too fast. The transition from childhood to adulthood for that woman in the mirror was going from bicycles, ring pops and hide and seek to watching porn at the demand of a grown man, being fondled and losing her innocence without ever seeing it coming. I wish I could write to that little girl and send a letter back in time to her. I would say, "None of this is your fault. You had no way of knowing this was his plan. Your mother should have protected you and she didn't but let's focus on the fact that your granny did. Find your confidence in the fact that you were strong enough to take that stand and point out the monster that did this to you. Find your trust in your grandmother's love, hugs and support and the justice system who put him behind bars and condemned him to a lifelong sentence of filing with the national sex offender registry. Step outside of your comfort zone, not everything is terrible and bad. One day you will have an amazing family of your own and you will be able to move mountains to change the generational cycles that no woman before you on your mother's side could. You are beautiful, smart, kind, strong, courageous and have an amazing heart. Live your life and don't let the trauma define who you are. Most importantly, you deserve unconditional love. Love yourself." If only she would listen... -Feisty Mommy