I have seen my children's feelings hurt by many things. Bullies at school, the loss of a friendship, a rumor that was started that didn't even make sense.... a bad break up. Etc. And as badly as I want to protect them from any kind of pain that will ever come their way, I understand that is an unreasonable thing to attempt. I am mom. I have to let them make their own choices and feel their own feels... even the bad ones. I cannot slay all evil that enters their lives. All I can do is hold them. Be there for them. Let them know that my love is undying and unconditional and when the tears need to flow, I will be there to cry with them and validate their feelings. I know that is what I needed the most growing up. Someone to be there for me and validate my emotions. Tell me that I wasn't crazy for feeling how I felt. Explain to me that there are ways to work through it healthier than lighting a cigarette or acting out. Maybe that is truly all any of us needed. Not someone to shield us from all the evil, but someone to love us and hold our hand through it until we made our way out without judgement along the way. Life is so hard for kids because kids can be so brutal. Even without the extra trauma and abuse outside of school. Making sure home is their safe place to vent and release all their emotions in a healthy way by talking to someone that loves them and wants the best for them is a necessity. I have a certain chair that is designated for these moments. When anyone sits in that chair, the TV is turned off, all phones are put down and they have the open floor to get out whatever they need to with our undivided attention on them while they are speaking. I've noticed the majority of times; they just needed an open platform to say something that was bothering them out loud. They just wanted to be heard. And afterwards, hugged and validated. Sometimes they have spoken their piece and asked for advice on how to proceed. And they took our opinions and then made the choice they felt most resonated for them. At times, someone will sit in the seat and ask the family to go so they can just talk to me one on one. None of them feel the need to lash out. All of them have amazing communication skills and all of them feel safe enough to sit in that seat and say everything they need to say no matter how big or small it may be. I think parents tend to be impatient and downplay the "small" things. But the problem with that is, everyone is different. What is small to you may be huge to me and vice versa. And if you write off the "small" things why on earth would you think you have given them the confidence to approach you with the big things? We are raising little humans. We are raising our future. We are raising little people that will grow up and go out into society and they deserve to feel safe, heard, loved and understood. They need to know their self-worth and that they deserve the upmost respect. They need to know to respect others and realize others self-worth matters as well. Our biggest investment in life, is our children hands down without a doubt. Make sure you're making the right investments. Life is short and they grow entirely too fast. -Feisty Mommy
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