Life can be so unfair in so many ways. But everything that happens to you in this lifetime does not define you. How you react to what happens to you and what you do with it is what defines you. It is easy to walk around with a chip on your shoulder blaming all your woes on what you have been through. But it takes real strength to live through the darkness and still come out wanting to shine your light so bright that maybe you help someone else find their way out of the darkness. This blog has helped me release so much; however, the nightmares have started back and maybe it is because I am writing this blog and working through a lot of unresolved issues in the process. But that is okay. It is worth it if it reaches one person and encourages them to report sexual abuse and get out of a bad situation. It is okay if this blog reaches one doctor, teacher, nurse, principal or parent that reads my story and starts being more observant of the children in their lives. It is okay if my story reaches someone that maybe thought PTSD was only for our military men and women. I know how much of a struggle it has been to live with the lifelong consequences of sexual assault and abuse, and I want to take all of that darkness and turn it into a beam of light and shine it out into the world. I want to spread awareness. I want to help others however I can with the knowledge and experiences that I have had. Everyone copes with trauma differently. My brother chose drugs, and they ended his life at 25. My mother chose to lash out and pass down the trauma to us. My dad chose to tuck his trauma deep down and the outcome was an emotionally unavailable father that never seemed to be able to relax and just have fun. There is no right or wrong answer because trauma, no matter how severe, changes something inside of us and sometimes the darkness consumes us, and we want to do anything to numb that pain. Just please remember that you are worthy, you are amazing, and you are strong. You have a purpose in this life even if you haven't found it yet. There is always a light that comes from the darkness. Find it, and let it shine bright. So bright that those that hurt you feel the heat! I have begun this blog, my Facebook page and IG anonymously because my parents are both still living. As I have said many times, this topic has always made them extremely uncomfortable. A select few that know me personally and know about this blog have all asked the same question... "What are you going to do if your mom or dad does come across this blog?" The answer is simple. If they do, it will be clear who this story belongs to even though I haven't mentioned any names I have gone into great detail, and it would be very hard to miss who the writer is here. But this is my outlet. This is how I pull the light from my darkness and shine it on others and if they are uncomfortable, it is as simple as leaving the page and not reading or following it. I have made the final decision to be unapologetically me.
XOXO -Feisty Mommy
Add comment
Comments